Fade To Black
by purrbastian
Summary: Tommy kissed Jude on her sixteenth birthday, but then made her take it back. Now Jude is taking on her pain in a very self destructive way. Can Tommy save Jude from herself and admit how he truly feels? Jommy! Please R&R! Rated M for strong adult content
1. Chapter 1 It Didn't Happen But It Did

**A/N- ok well this is my third fanfic. I suddenly had a burst of inspiration to write this, so I hope everyone enjoys! And don't worry about my other FF, I'm still updating that one too! But anyways, this story is going to be a little darker than my other ones. I hope you guys give it a chance. Takes place during 'Unsweet Sixteen.' Enjoy! Oh, and this first chapter will be in Jude's POV.**

**Chapter 1: It Never Happened, But It Did**

He kissed me. He just randomly, out of the blue, kissed me. I was upset about Shay, and I had expected him to say it, "I told you so," but he didn't. He _comforted _me. I wasn't expecting this, but I didn't object when his lips suddenly crashed unto mine. I immediately felt the electricity and intensity of the kiss. Only Tommy had that effect on me. Every fiber in my being was shooting with desire, wanting to feel more of him, but eventually, he pulled away. I stood there, staring into his eyes, searching for reason, meaning behind the kiss. What I saw was shocking, no shocking isn't the word, but I'll use it for lack of a better word. What I was there was love, desire, passion, and even a hint of lust. Things I thought I'd _never _see in his eyes.

"You should go, Jude."

"Tommy, don't." I didn't want him to regret it, take it back, but I knew it was coming. I knew because deep down I know it shouldn't have happened. I am sixteen and he is twenty-two. That was a major obstacle.

"I'll see you inside, okay. Go." I walked past him, not looking back behind me, because honestly, I was afraid of what I would see. I didn't know what I would see, but I was afraid none the less. About twenty minutes later, my party died down, and everyone had pretty much left. Then I heard it, his footsteps walking towards the room. I knew it was him because I knew he was there to tell me the words I had been dreading of hearing since his lips left mine. He walked in, making casual talk. He was doing this because he, like me, knew what words he was going to say. He was going to break my heart and hand it to me in pieces.

"Look, about before in the alley…I really don't know what to say."

"Come on, Tommy. I think we both know what you want to say. It was a mistake, right? Just a pity kiss, you don't feel the same why I do because I'm just a kid. Just say it, lie to me." I was pretty much crying hysterically. I mean, the guy that I am madly in love with is about to break my heart. I think you would be, too. He comes over to me, and kneels in front of me.

"Either I can quit working with you, or I can stay, but we have to agree that that kiss, it never happened."

"No!"

"Jude say it, Jude."

"Okay."

"Jude, **say it."**

"Okay, okay, it never happened, okay?" I looked up at him, not exactly knowing what kind of look was in my eyes. I was paying the slightest bit of attention to what was in his. Nothing from the look in the alley was there, except love, or what I thought is love, anyway. He also had hurt and sadness in there. Why was **he **sad? He wasn't the one who was breaking a girl's heart the **second **time in one night. I stormed past him, out of the room, ripping the 'Happy Birthday' sign down as I did. I threw down his jacket that he had placed on me in the alley. I don't even remember how I got home. I was so distraught and broken; I have no memory of anything else that night. I somehow managed to get home, so I raced in, and up to the bathroom. What I saw in the mirror was an empty shell of what used to be Jude Harrison. What was staring back at me was the hurt, broken, disfigured version of Jude Harrison. My red hair, which was now a duller color thanks to the rain, was matted to my head, a tangled mess of the pretty form it was earlier. My eyes were puffy and bloodshot from all the crying. My once creamy white skin was just a pale sheet under the florescent lights. A thought suddenly occurred in my head. A rather scary thought, but at the time, I believed it to be a revelation. I opened up the medicine cabinet and found what I was looking for; my razor. I brought the razor down to my arm, resting it at my wrist. I kept thinking about what I was going to do. Was it a good idea? Will I really feel better once I do it? Will anyone notice? Will I want to do it again? There was only one way to find out the answers to my question. I applied pressure on my wrist as I slid it across my skin. It hurt a little no a lot, but that was what I wanted. I wanted to hurt, to feel pain, but only the kind I could control. I also wanted to bleed. I wanted to see the blood coming up, as if some sort of prize for my actions. I was rewarded on both accounts. The pain didn't decrease, so I kept sliding until I had about an inch and a half cut. The blood came to the surface at once. I was amazed to see it there. It was bubbling up and staring to drip. I quickly snapped out of my trance to grab some toilet paper. I pressed it to my wound and watched with amazement as the tissue was quickly bled through. I grabbed a lot more and applied a lot more pressure, and after about a minute, the bleeding stopped. I removed the tissue to see a dry-blooded cut. I touched it, running my finger along the cut. I _did _feel better. I was hurting, but I could and did make it stop. I looked back up in the mirror to see the same Jude Harrison I saw before, but this time, she had a glazed look in her eyes. She still had hurt and sadness and all of that, but she was a bit better after what had just occurred. I discarded my dress, hanging it on the back of the door to dry. I went into my room, quickly dressed in some pants and a tank top, and got into my bed. My head was swimming with everything that had happened today. I was still hurting, and I don't believe I'll stop for a very long time, but at least I had _some _kind of solace, like a safe haven to turn to when things got rough. I eventually drifted off to sleep, an odd comfort washing over me.

**A/N- okay, so that was the first chapter! I know it was short, but it'll get longer and better, promise! Read and review and tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2: Even More Pain

**A/N-thanks to everyone who reviewed! And to those who are reading my other fic, I have recently updated! So go check out the new chapter! I'm sorry about the uber long paragraph in the last chapter! Won't happen again! A special shout-out to my favorite authors/reviewers ToMmYandJuDe-ISlover and LovesMeSomeJoomy! This one's for you! Anyways, I don't own anything associated with Instant Star, even though I desperately want Tommy/Tim:**

Chapter 2: Even More Pain (The Kind I Can't Control)

Jude awoke the next morning feeling distraught. She slowly got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. She turned on the water to splash some water on her face. Suddenly, she looked over to the waist basket, something bright red catching her eye. Flashes of the night before flashed in her head, Tommy breaking her heart, her coming home, the razor, and then her…cutting herself. It felt odd to say that she "cut" herself. She decided to refer it to as "controlling her pain" or "retreating to an odd comfort". She went back to her room, got dressed, and went downstairs. She had made sure to wear a long-sleeved shirt so no one noticed. There was complete silence awaiting her downstairs. She saw a piece of paper on the counter. It was a note from Sadie.

_Dear Jude,_

_Decided to head to school early. Tommy will come and pick you up around nine or so. BE READY! We will talk about things later, okay? See you at home. Oh, and Dad had to go into work early. Won't be back till around dinner time. Talk to ya later!_

_Love,_

_Sadie_

Jude read the note, an automatic frown crossing her features. Tommy was coming to pick her up? _Alone_? This won't end well. Just then, the Pop tarts Jude had put in the toaster popped up. She grabbed the very hot pastries and placed them on a plate. Just as soon as she finished the second one, Jude heard a familiar horn honking for her. 'Oh, God. This will most definitely not end well,; she silently thought as she made her way out of the door, grabbing, her back pack and guitar case. She made her way to his viper, trying to act as cool as possible. "Good morning, Jude." He was so unbelievably tentative. If she ever got over this, she'd have to hold this to him someday. "Hi, Tommy." That was simple, but not completely hostile. 'Yeah,' she thought, 'I can do this. No problem.'

"So, you ready to go?"

"Yeah." She put her stuff in the back before sliding into the passenger seat. He had the keys in the ignition, but he wasn't getting ready to drive. "Uh, you gonna drive, or you gonna use your telepathy to get us to the studio?"

'Sarcasm has always been her strong point.'

"Well, we've got some time before we have to be at the studio. I was thinking that we could talk."

'Oh God. Please don't let him want to talk about last night. Please, _anything _but that.' But sure enough, that's what he wanted to talk about.

"Look, about last night..." he trailed off, trying to find the right words. "Let me just stop you right there. I believe you said enough last night. Let's not relive it, okay?"

"But there's something else I needed to say."

"And that would be?"

"I never meant to hurt you, Jude. **Never.** Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do to you last night."

"Well, you did Tommy. You hurt me a lot."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I know that saying sorry won't make up for it, but I just want to know that I am. I just hope you can understand my reasoning." He looked at her, his eyes giant blue orbs of sincerity. What was it about his eyes? If you couldn't read him, you could read those eyes. 'Damn, he's making it really hard for me to be mad at him. Damn those blue eyes of his!' She looked over at him, some of the anger and pain already etching away. "Look, let's just go to the studio, and maybe this will work itself out."

"Yeah, okay." He started the car back up again, and he silently pulled away from her house. The entire ride to G-Major was silent, neither of them speaking. They were both absorbed in their own thoughts. They pulled up to G-Major. The receptionist glanced at them a quick second before turning to her work. They were greeted by Georgia and EJ. "Jude! Good that you're here! We need to talk to you."

"EJ, chill with the news, alright. Nice to see you, Jude. How are you holding up?"

"Okay, I guess. Still healing, but I'm better."

"That's great because I've got some news for you. You were asked to perform 'Your Eyes' on Under the Mic on Sunday!"

"Really? Are you serious! That's fantastic!" Jude couldn't help but embrace Georgia. "Okay, so we're going to need you to get straight to work. You and Tommy will go right into the studio."

'Great, more Tommy Time. Is everyone completely oblivious to the fact that I hate Tommy right now? Okay, I don't hate him, but I'm pretty pissed at him. This day just keeps getting better and better.' Tommy noticed the disappointment on Jude's face when Georgia said they'd be working together. It hurt him, but he didn't show it. Jude and Tommy made their way to the studio to get to work. They had been working fifteen minutes before Tommy spoke. "Jude, do you feel this right now? This is going to tear the roof off on Sunday!"

"It's okay, but why exactly would I want to do this song? I mean, it's about the guy that broke the guy in the first place. And it's not exactly screaming evil nasties at him."

"Well, you got something better to perform?"

"No, not yet, but I will. I just need a few hours to write. I'll have something by Sunday.

"Okay, you wanna get started?"

"I think it would be best if I did this at home. It's a much more _positive _environment." She couldn't help but take a jab at him. And she didn't care that she had hurt him. Well, okay maybe she cared a little, but still. He deserved some pain of his own.

So you just gonna go home?"

"Well, why should I stick around here?"

"What about Georgia?"

"What about her? She'll understand that I can't be here right now."

"Fine. Let me at least drive you home."

"Whatever." She quickly grabbed her stuff and headed out the parking lot without so much as a goodbye to anyone. Tommy followed after a few minutes later. "I told Georgia that you needed to be at home for right now. She said it was okay."

"Okay…thanks."

"You're welcome." They drove off to Jude's house, once again in silence. They pulled up to Jude's house. She turned around to Tommy. "Thanks for the ride. I guess I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see ya later." She got out quickly, grabbing her things from the back. Tommy waited until she was in the house before deciding to leave. Jude unlocked the door, and walked into the doorway before she saw something completely horrifying: her dad was on the couch making out with some woman that wasn't his wife. Jude stood there shocked, dumbfounded at what she saw before her. She regained enough of her senses to turn around and bolt out of the door. Tommy was about to pull away when he saw Jude running towards the car. She slung open the door, yelling orders at him. "Drive! GO NOW!"

"Okay, Jude, I'm going, I'm going." He pulled away just as Stuart was coming to the door to see Jude's keys dangling in the keyhole. Tommy was driving, but having no idea where he was going for about three minutes. Jude was sitting beside him, trying to stifle her sobs, but failing miserably. He pulled over to the side of the road where there were cars driving. He turned his car off and looked at her. "Jude, what's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing, just please drive."

"No, Jude. Something happened, and now you're not okay. Just tell me what's wrong." She turned to look at him. Her face was completely soaked from her tears. His words weren't demanding, or at least not too demanding. His eyes were once again masked over with sincerity. She decided to tell him, only because she was weak and he was so caring." I caught…I saw…Dad he was…with..."

"Jude, come on, talk to me. What did you see?"

"My dad was…he was…with another woman! They were on the couch…" She couldn't finish. Her sobs took over her as she broke down. Tommy scooted closer to her, grabbed her, and wrapped her in a tender hug. He whispered the occasional words of comfort, but mostly just letting her cry out her pain. After about half an hour of crying, she finally pulled away from Tommy's chest. Some of her red hair was matted to her face from where she had been crying. He gently pulled the hair away and whipped her face, letting his fingers linger along her face. She looked up at him. She was filled with so much confusion. 'Why is he being so nice to me? Acting as if he cared about me? He doesn't, does he? If he did, would he have taken the kiss back, but still, he had shown her nothing but kindness since it happened. She was so confused, her head started to hurt a little. "Um, thanks for um, you know, I guess."

"No problem. I'm always here if you need me."

"I know, but please don't tell anyone about this?"

"Sure, no problem. My lips are sealed."

"Thanks, again. Let's get back to the studio. Suddenly it seems my house isn't such a great place for the positive environment I was looking for." He couldn't help but smile at that. 'Even in the face of an upset, she still knows how to joke.' They drove off to G-Major. Jude went to the bathroom, telling Tommy she'd be in the studio in a moment. She walked in, and made sure no one was in there before pulling her bag up to the sink. She pulled out her razor she had placed in there earlier. She placed the razor about three inches from the last cut, and slid it across her skin. The familiar sight of bubbling blood and the feel of pain caused her to continue until she had another inch and a half cut across her arm. She quickly applied a paper towel to it with a lot of pressure. She waited a moment before she pulled the paper towel away. She saw another cut, similar to the one last night. A wave of relief and comfort wash over her as she threw the paper away. She rinsed off the razor before placing it deep inside her. She took one last glance at herself in the mirror. She saw the same glassy look she saw last night. A small smile spread across her face before she unlocked the door and headed toward the studio.


	3. Chapter 3: Oh, He's Under My Skin

**A/N-sorry guys for the long update. I had to figure out where I wanted to go with this chapter and plus with my other FF out there, I couldn't get to this one. But soon you won't have to worry about that, at least I hope not. So, go and check out my other story, 'Christmas Wishes' which I just updated again today. I do wish I knew where ToMmYandJuDe-ISlover has gone. I haven't heard from her in ages. Plus her stories need some MAJOR updates! But anyways, I don't own anything Instant Star. Enjoy the chapter!**

Chapter 3: Oh, He's under My Skin

Jude made her way to the studio after her little "bathroom break". Tommy looked up at her with concern etched across his face. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now. I just needed some time. I just really work on my song if that's okay."

"No problem. I'll just leave you here to write if you want."

"If you don't mind, that would be great." He was about to leave when she spoke up again. "Tommy thanks again for everything. I really appreciate it."

"Anything for you, girl. Just say the word, and I'll be there for you," and without another word, he left Jude to mull over what he had just said. 'Girl?' He had used that little nickname just then? But why? I mean I've pretty much been treating him like crap since the kiss. But I should have every right to, right? He _kissed _me and then took it back in the same night my first boyfriend dumped me. Good Lord, he makes even hating him hard! I guess he's the only one that can do that,' Jude thought before sitting down to work on her song. She spent the rest of the day working on her song. She wasn't completely satisfied, but right now, it would have to do. She packed her things and left the studio, but noticed that there was no one else there. Suddenly, a figure made its way out of the somewhat-shadowy hallway of G-Major. "Jude?"

"Tommy? God, you nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry, I didn't know anyone else was here."

"Oh, right. Well, seeing as how you're the only left, can you give me a ride home?"

"Sure. You got everything?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, then let's go." She followed him out to his infamous viper. She couldn't help but smile at the fact that he drove such a car. As he was about to get in the driver's seat, he noticed her on the other side smiling. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you so smiley?"

"No reason."

"Jude, you are one of the worst liars I have ever met. Tell me why you're smiling?"

"Well, it's just the fact that a guy like you drives a car like that."

"And why is that funny, exactly?"

"Because you're always so serious and you like, **never **smile. This car screams, "I like to smile and be crazy and let my hair get messy, figuratively speaking, of course."

"Well, for your information, I **do **like to smile and go crazy and figuratively let my hair get messy, and at least I **can **drive. You hit dogs that are on the sidewalk."

"Ah! Okay, for one, I **almost **hit that dog on the sidewalk, and for two, it was just a practice lesson. It's not like it was with a real driver on a real course."

"Fine. Let's just hope those driving skills improve before you get behind the wheel again."

"They will, I guarantee it."

"Right," he said while ducking behind the wheel of his car. She slid in the passenger's seat. He stuck the keys I the ignition and drove off to her house. As usual, their ride was silent, but for the first time in a while it was just a comfortable one. Each didn't really have much to say to the other. Once they pulled up to her house, he turned to face her. "You sure you're okay with going in there? I can come with if you want."

"No, it's okay. I can handle it. Mom's back anyway, so it shouldn't be that hard, but thanks for the offer."

"Anytime. So I guess I'll see you tomorrow at Under the Mic?"

"Yeah, see you there. Goodnight." She left with a hasty "night" as she made her way to her house. She took a deep breath and let it out before entering her home. "Jude! I'm so glad to see you!" Jude heard the familiar shriek of he mother coming towards her. "Mom, I missed you so much! How was your trip?"

"It was okay, but I missed my family so much."

"I missed you too, Mom. I really did." The pair made their way to the dining room where dinner was already prepared and sitting on everyone's plates. Jude and Victoria took their seats around the table, Jude across form Sadie and Victoria at one end with Stuart at the other. "So Jude, how was your day today?" Stuart asked, hoping she wouldn't bring up anything she saw earlier. "It was okay. I did happen to see someone doing something completely and absolutely repulsive and wrong." Jude burned holes in her father's eyes as they had a silent stare-off. "Jude, honey, what are you talking about?' Victoria was questioning from the other end of the table. Instead of answering, she only continued to stare at her father wordlessly. "Will someone please tell me what in the world is going on? Jude? Sadie?" Neither girl said anything, and didn't Sadie know Jude knew about the affair.

"It's nothing, Mom. I'm still a little upset about Shay and now I've got a new song to write by tomorrow. I guess I'm just stressed."

"Well, honey, you may not be ready to hear this, but if Shay was cheating on you, he wasn't worth your time in the first place." Jude's eyes widened as she looked at her mother. "May I be excused? I've just been strangely inspired." She got up hastily, leaving

Sadie, Stuart and Victoria to finish their dinner. Jude spent hours and hours on end writing, erasing, throwing and correcting her song until she finally got it to perfection. She played it once through to make sure everything flowed well. She then went into a restless sleep with the anticipation of tomorrow looming in her mind. The next day, Jude was sitting in her dressing room waiting for her performance. She was feeling very tired, seeing as how she didn't sleep so well the night before. When it finally came time for her to go out, she looked at herself in the mirror and sighed before leaving. On stage, she grabbed her guitar and sat on the stool "Hello everyone. I know I was supposed to do 'Your Eyes' but I came up with something else that I hope you'll like." Tommy looked at Georgia quizzically before Jude began to play.

**Skin**

**Verse 1:**

_**I drift away to a place  
Another kind of life  
Take away the pain  
I create my paradise**_

_**Everything I've held  
Has hit the wall  
What used to be yours  
Isn't yours at all**_

_**Falling apart, and all that I'm asking  
Is it a crime, am I overreacting**_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie**_

_**So what you had didn't fit  
Among the pretty things  
Never fear, never fear  
I now know where you've been**_

_**Braids have been un-tied  
As ribbons fall away  
Leave the consequence  
But my tears you'll taste**_

_**Falling apart and all that I question  
Is this a dream or is this my lesson**_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie**_

_**I don't believe I'll be alright  
I don't believe I'll be OK  
I don't believe how you've thrown me away  
I do believe you didn't try  
I do blame you for every lie  
When I look in your eyes, I don't see mine**_

_**Oh, he's under my skin  
Just give me something to get rid of him  
I've got a reason now to bury this alive  
Another little white lie**_

_**Oh my permission to sin  
You might have started my reckoning  
I've got a reason now to bury him alive  
Another little white lie**_

As Jude was performing, she looked occasionally at Tommy, but mostly at her dad. She was almost in tears, so she had to leave the stage immediately. Tommy was right behind her before she was about to close the door. "Wow that was pretty incredible. Not really how I wanted to inspire you, though"

"You know what Tommy? Get over yourself. Not everything's about you," she said before slamming the door in his face. She hadn't meant to be so rude, but now wasn't the time for him. She was sitting in front of her mirror when she heard a knock on the door. "Go away Tommy." The door opened to reveal her dad. She looked up at him through the mirror with a tear-stricken face. "Jude honey, that was…incredible. I guess I don't have to ask what it was about, huh?"

"How could you do this to her dad? To us, our whole family!"

"Jude, things with your mother and I haven't been great lately and, I don't know, just needed to find comfort in someone."

"So you had to go you're your travel agent?!?!"

"Listen, honey, I know this is hard to understand, but-"

"Hard?!!? You think this is hard for me to understand?!? My dad decides to have an affair because he needed some "comfort". Am I missing anything?"

"I guess you do understand. Please don't tell your mother, alright?"

"You're asking me to lie to her? I can't do that. She's my mom. Don't ask me to lie to my own mother. Either you tell her tonight, or I will."

"Alright, then. I'll tell her tonight. No more lying." And with that, he was out of her room/. Jude faced herself in the mirror. She wanted to punch, kick, scream, cry and yell all at the same time. She settled instead, on taking her razor out of her bag, and sliding it across her wrist near the previous two cuts. The familiar sight of blood and the feeling of satisfaction brought her to a stop. She hastily wiped the razor off, cleaned her arm, paced the razor back inside of her bag and looked at herself one last time before exiting the dressing room.

Later that night:

Jude and Sadie were sitting at the foot of the stairs listening to their parents upstairs. Stuart walked town the stairs with a bag and faced the girls. "Well, I'm going to be leaving for a while. I don't when I'm coming back or how long I'll be gone."

"Where are you gonna go?" Sadie asked.

"To a hotel for now."

"Oh dad!" Sadie jumped up from the stairs to hug her dad. He hugged her back with the same intensity. "You guys need to know that I love you both no matter what happens, okay? I'm always gonna be there if you guys need anything, okay?" He let go of Sadie and tried to go towards Jude, but she looked away, signaling to him that she didn't want him to. "Alright, then. I guess I'll be going now. I'll call you both tomorrow." He walked out of the house without another word. Sadie looked at Jude for a moment before running upstairs to her room. A few beats later, Jude went to her room and took out her razor. She sat on her bed and breathed in a relaxing breath before letting it out. She slowly placed the razor farther up her arm than usual and slid it across her skin. She immediately felt pain, but wanted to continue. She pressed sown harder and continued to make her way across her arm. She was now feeling unbearable amounts of both physical and emotional pain, and this only fueled her actions. This was the longest she had done this and it scared her for a moment. Finally, she felt some of her pain decrease, so she brought the razor up from her arm. She looked at the blood dripping from the razor and from her arm. She mad me move to clean it up until there was a tiny puddle by her feet She pressed a napkin to her arm as she feverishly tried to scrub at the blood on the floor. Once she decided she got it up the best she could, she threw away her evidence and placed her razor in her bag before slipping into her pajamas and falling into a very restless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Almost Normal

**A/N-So, I know I just posted an update saying that this is on hiatus, but I have some free time and I wanted to update this. But I really son' know how often I'll be able to. You all should be glad I love you so much. Tehe, well I got A LOT of reviews telling me that this is too close to the storyline. I'll try and not do that, but it kinda has to be because of the drama and such. So, I hope that doesn't make anyone mad. That's just the way it has to be. So, I REALLY hope you like this. It isn't rushed like some of the other chapters were. And I don't own anything IS related. Enjoy!**

Chapter 4: Almost Normal

Jude was sitting at G-Major feeling completely restless. After her dad left and she "relieved" herself, she fell into a restless sleep. She kept seeing images of her dad and Yvette and her parents fighting constantly. She awoke and decided to just shower and head off to G-Major. Tommy had arrived a little later and was now in Hospitality getting himself some coffee. Jude hadn't noticed that she was dazing off until someone waved a hand in front of her face and stated to call her name.

"Jude? Jude? Hey, Jude? Are you in there?" She shook her head to snap herself out of her daydream to see Tommy in front of her with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Huh? What? Sorry, I kinda spaced there for a second."

"It's ok. You wanna talk about it?"

"Yes and no. Does that make any sense to you?"

"Yeah. You want to get it of your chest but at the same time, you want to just keep it to yourself because it's a little too personal."

"Exactly. I'm taking it you've had some experience in this department?"

"Yes, a little too much if you ask me."

"Hmm."

"But if you feel you're ready to talk about it, I'm here, ok? I'll listen."

"Ok, thanks."

"That's what I'm here for. So do you have anything to record?"

"Uh, no. I just have things written down. Is that ok?"

"Fine with me. But we gotta pretend we're working on something so Georgia and EJ don't ride us."

"Ok."

"You can just write all you'd like until you're ready to record and I'll just mix some other songs. Sound good?"

"Yeah, and Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. You know for giving me my space. It's something I'm in desperate need of."

"No problem."

"Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really proud of you. You know for the way you went out there with BoyzAttack. That took a lotta guts."

"I should be saying the same thing. I mean, it must have been hard going out there to face your arch rival. But thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Well, I'll let you get back to work then."

"Ok," and the rest of the day was spent with Tommy mixing and Jude writing. They, as Tommy said, had to pretend, to be working when Georgia or EJ came into the room. Jude was finding it really easy to just write things down even though Tommy was there being quiet. She found it odd that she welcomed the silent. The pair worked in compatible silence for quite some time. They hadn't noticed that barely anyone else was there until looked up from her journal and noticed the lack of people.

"Tommy, hey Tommy! TOMMY!" He jolted and looked at her worried and wide-eyed. Jude couldn't help but smile at the fact that he thought that there was something wrong with her.

"Relax; we're just in here late." He glared at her a moment before looking out the doors. Sure enough, they were in here late-way late.

"Whoa Jude, we better get going. You've got school tomorrow and I've got to come back here."

"Who says I can't just skip tomorrow? I'm a musician, not a math wiz."

"True as that may be, you still gotta get an education. It's important, believe it or not. Besides, you can't end up like me and drop out."

"There is no way I could end up like you, Quincy."

"Oh and how is that?"

"I already passed the seventh grade-the grade in which you failed to complete."

"Aren't we funny today?"

"Maybe just a little."

"Well, we really got to get going. I don't need your parents skinning me alive for having you out to late."

"You wouldn't have to worry about anyone but my mom, and I'm pretty sure you can take her."

"Oh Jude, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's ok. Don't worry about it. Time to head back into reality," she walked out of the door before Tommy could figure out what she meant. The walk to the car was silent as Jude was dreading to go home and Tommy was oddly at a loss for words. The y got in the car and buckled up, bur before he started the engine, Jude spoke.

"Tommy?" she asked, almost like a small child.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever had a place where you go to escape everything? A place where nothing else mattered except maybe something you love…like music?"

"Yeah. It was rare to find that place, but I found it. Just me and the music. Nothing else mattered."

"Yeah. G-Major's that place for me. As crazy and dysfunctional as it is, it's pretty much the best place in the world. Wait, you said that place **was**hard to find. Do you not have a place anymore?"

"No, not really. I mean there are places where I can let everything else fade out except the music. Now it's not really the place I love, but more the person. He looked at her quickly as he said the last part. Part of him was hoping she wouldn't get the meaning, but another part of him did. She looked away, trying to hide her blush. Somewhere deep down she knew that was directed at her. Tommy started the car and drove a very shy Jude home. He stopped in front of her house and she undid her seatbelt to leave.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, and expect the unexpected," he said with a smirk.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see. Have a good night, Jude."

"Uh, yeah, you too." She shut the door to the passenger side and watched him drive off. She stood there for a moment longer, just savoring the moments with him before heading into her house. She was expected to be greeted by her mother in the kitchen and not by Sadie at all but instead, her mother and sister were on the couch, waiting for her.

"Jude Elizabeth Harrison, where have you been?!"

"Whoa, calm down, Mom! Tommy and I just worked late, that's all."

"Why were you working late with Tommy? I though t you were like mad at him or something?"

"Well, we kinda made up, I guess. Listen, I don't see why it's any of your business anyway, Sadie."

"It becomes my business when my **baby **sister is spending time with her **much older **producer."

"Ah, gross, Sadie! How could you even say that about Tommy?"

"Who said I was saying that about Tommy?"

"And what the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jude was walking towards her sister, but not before Mrs. Harrison stepped between the two.

"Ok, Jude, watch the language and stop messing with your sister. Sadie, stop interrogating and antagonizing your sister. Jude, we'll talk about this in the morning. Just go to bed. "

"But there's nothing to talk about!"

"We will talk about this tomorrow, Elizabeth. Go to your room."

"Fine! Geez, I wish Dad were here!" she yelled before going to her room and slamming her door. She made her way to her bathroom and collapsed on the sink.

"God, I hate it here! I miss him so much! Why did he have to go and sleep with that whore!" Jude was now a tangled heap on the floor. She was crying so hard, her body was shaking. She finally gained her composure a little and remembered that she left a spare razor blade in here. She went to her secret hiding place (under a box of tampons) and brought it over to the sink. She placed her arm over the sink and put the blade near the fat of her arm where elbow was. She applied pressure and brought the blade across her skin. A line of blood was starting to for, but she kept going. She didn't stop when it started to really hurt. She didn't stop until the cut was a little bit on the other side of her arm. She finally took the razor away and watched her arm bleed a moment before she cleaned her arm up with toilet paper. She washed her sink off and flushed before looking at her newly-cut arm.

"This is for you, Dad," she whispered before turning out the light and heading to bed. The next day Jude showered and dressed for school and went downstairs to get her some Pop-tarts. She didn't utter a word to her mom or Sadie; even when they tried to talk to her.

"Jude, honey, I think we need to talk about last night."

"Yeah, come on, Jude. You pounced on us for no reason!" Jude didn't reply, but instead grabbed her breakfast that popped out of the toaster.

"Don't wait up after school I'll be heading straight for the studio." Not even a "bye" as the youngest Harrison left her house. She decided to walk to school, deciding that she could use the air. Her day was pretty boring, except when talking to Jamie and/or Kat. She was sitting in math (her worst class) when there was an office note at the door. The teacher took it and read it aloud.

"Jude Harrison: you're wanted in the office. Take your things; I don't think you'll be returning." With a puzzled look at Jamie, she left the classes and headed to the office. She didn't see any one of her family members, so she asked the front desk and she only pointed outside. Jude was now more puzzled than ever but preceded to look outside. There waiting for her was a familiar figure leaning against a blue Viper. She smiled widely when she saw it was Tommy.

"Tommy, what are you doing here?1"

"Thought I'd take to a place where nothing else matters." He smirked his famous smirk.

"Wow, you're pulling me out of school, ya know? Valuable education I'm not learning because of you."

"I know, but this is learning too. But don't tell anyone because we could both kinda get in trouble."

"My lips are sealed. So, where did you have in mind to take me?"

"You like ice cream?" The pair had driven to get some ice cream (Jude vanilla, chocolate and strawberry; Tommy vanilla) and was now leaning against his Viper at a "place" Tommy saw fit-The Pier. They both knew this place was special, both for the exact same reason, but neither of them said anything.

"So what exactly are we supposed to learning? Besides the fact that ice cream is America's food?"

"You're supposed to learn how to drown out all the white noise in life. Let everything that brings you down go and let one passion keep you floating." Jude closed her eyes and imagined everything in her life slowly fading. The drama with her dad, her over-protective mother and annoying sister .Even the good things like Jamie and Kat and SME. She let all those things fade out and only let one thing keep her floating: her love for Tommy. He would never know that that was the one thing that kept her balanced besides music, but even music came because of him. It came _better _because of him.

"Wow, this place is really nice. Do you come here often?"

"Sometime. But it's rare. I thought I'd make it even more special by bringing you here." He said the last part a bit softer, not daring to look at her this time. He was no doubt blushing and she thanked the Heavens that he wasn't looking. Well, we should probably head to the studio. School's out and I told my mom that I was going straight to the studio." She was turning around to go but Tommy gently grabbed her arm.

"Ow!" They both jerked their hands away, Tommy afraid he'd hurt her and Jude in pure pain.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you I was just-"

"It's ok. Let's just head back."

"Well, let me at least look at your arm," he started to grab it but she pulled away fast.

"No! its fine, I just slept on it funny, that's all."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Let's just go." He didn't probe the matter any farther and he did as he was asked. She was already buckled and ready to leave when opened the door. He silently got in and drove to G-Major.

**A/N-So there's an update after like forever! I hope you guys are pleased1 I won't be updating anything for quite a while with all the double updating I've been doing so enjoy this and the next two chapters of Not An Addict cause that's all you get for a while! Now review because you owe me that much for updating this! (:**


	5. Chapter 5: Hinting On her Secret

Chapter 5: Hinting On Her Secret

Tommy was sitting in his studio, trying to mix a song, but his thoughts were elsewhere. He and Jude had had a great day up until he had grabbed her arm. He didn't think he was being to rough but maybe he was. He was currently alone in the studio, as Jude had some things to discuss with Georgia and EJ. Tommy kept mulling over the day's earlier events when Jude came in looking exasperated. Jude huffed down on the couch and Tommy smirked at her, momentarily pushing his previous thoughts to the back of his mind.

"Georgia and EJ must've put you through a ringer, huh?"

"Ugh, yeah. Those two are going to be the death of me if I'm not careful." Tommy laughed gently then became serious.

"Jude, I think we need to talk…about earlier."

"What's there to talk about? Besides the fact that my parents detest me for skipping."

"I meant with your arm. I want to make sure you aren't hurt or anything."

"Tommy, I told you I'm fine. I just slept on it wrong."

"Well, are you sure? I didn't mean to grab you that hard."

"Oh, Tommy quit sounding like my mother! I'm fine! It's just been a little tender but it'll get better."

"Well, if you're sure you're all right…" he was still looking skeptical, but he didn't press anything further.

"I am. So, how about we work on a song for a change? I haven't recorded anything in like forever."

"Sure, what have you got to work on?"

"It's a new one. I think you'll like it."

"Jude, in case you haven't noticed, I've liked all your songs."

"Yeah, but this is special. **Really **special." He just stared at her as she made her way to the recording booth. Tommy waited patiently as Jude pulled out her guitar and started tuning and setting up. She was finally ready and adjusted herself on the stool and placed the headphones on her head. She began strumming and Tommy's eyes were instantly locked on hers as the first words came flowing from her lips.

_**I met you, I hated you, I didn't think much more about it**_

_**Then I got to know you and now I can't hide it**_

_**You plague my thoughts like a nightmare that won't go away**_

_**Except for the fact that I'm dying for you to stay**_

_**I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there**_

_**I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there**_

_**I can't seem to shake you from my memory**_

_**And baby, that's alright with me**_

_**You seem to get me when there's nothing to get**_

_**Who would've thought this is where we'd be after we first met**_

_**You always have the way and I want to follow it anywhere**_

_**I'm so glad to know that you're always gonna be there**_

_**I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there**_

_**I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there**_

_**I can't seem to shake you from my memory**_

_**And baby, that's alright with me**_

_**You've been there to pick me up when I fall**_

_**You're always gonna be the one standing tall**_

_**So thank you for being my rock in a tattered world**_

_**I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there**_

_**I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there**_

_**I can't seem to shake you from my memory**_

_**And baby, that's alright with me**_

_**I feel you everywhere I breathe, everywhere I sleep, you're there**_

_**I see you everywhere I go, in every person I know, you're there**_

_**I can't seem to shake you from my memory**_

_**And baby, that's alright with me**_

_**Thank you for seeing past my foggy haze**_

_**I want you always and forever, for the rest of my days**_

Jude finished the song with her eyes fused on Tommy's and vise versa. Neither of them wanted to move. Tommy eventually faulted from her gaze and called her back in. She walked in wordlessly and sat down on the couch. When neither of them spoke, Jude took that as a sign that her song was bad.

"Was it that bad?" she spoke after a deafening silence.

"Bad? No, Girl, why would you think it was bad?"

"The long deafening silence was a clue."

"Well, it wasn't bad. I was just thinking. I wasn't sure how I was going to tell you what I thought."

"Well, what _do_you think?" she was getting a bit nervous at his answer.

"I think it was amazing, but that doesn't seem to cover it. It's just...you seem to know how to put words and your feelings together. Not many people have that gift." Jude was blushing slightly from his compliment.

"Thanks," she smiled up at him warmly and he smiled back before his phone rang in his pocket. He looked away sheepishly and answered.

"Hello? Oh, hey. What's up? Uh…yeah, I've been…thinking about you too," he turned around to finish his conversation and Jude just looked on towards him. She felt the tears instantly surface behind her eyes but she refused to let them fall.

'I should have known he'd have someone else. That's why he couldn't find the words for my song because there were none. He doesn't feel any of the feelings I feel for him,' Jude thought bitterly to herself. With each moment he spent on the phone, each little word exchanged between the pair, Jude felt the growing need to cut herself. She had to sit on her hands so she wouldn't touch her arm. Tommy turned around to look at Jude.

"Sorry, I gotta take this outside. I'll be right back," and without another word he got up and left, leaving Jude alone. Jude wasted no time in digging her razor out of her bag. She also got out several pieces of tissue so she didn't get any blood on any unnecessary places. She placed the blade about two inches from her wrist and pressed down hard. She let her thoughts and pain consume her. Flashes of her and Tommy flooded her brain. All the good times and bad were overflowing through her mind which only increased the movement of the blade. Then all the songs she had ever written about him flooded through her, causing the blade to go deeper into her skin. Finally, the events that just occurred plastered in her mind and that brought her over the edge. Heavy sobs and a small pool of blood was the result of her flashbacks. She quickly tried to regain herself before anyone came back. She wiped at her arm and made sure she didn't spill on anything. She stuffed the razor deep inside her bag and kept the tissue pressed tightly against her wound. As soon as she threw away some tissue, Tommy came back in looking flustered.

"You ok?" Jude managed to squeak out.

"Yeah, I had to take care of a thing."

"Oh." He looked over at her and noticed that her eyes were puffy and she was gripping her arm tightly.

"Are you ok?"

"Uh, yeah I'm fine. Mom just called to chew me out but I'm fine. I'm gonna go to the bathroom for a sec, I'll be right back." She left the room hastily and headed for the bathroom. Tommy wasn't convinced that what Jude said was true and his suspicions were further intrigued when he noticed something bright red in the trashcan. He walked over and glanced in. He gasped loudly and his eyes widened in shock. There were several tissues all covered in bright red blood. Tommy's mind was racing and all things came back to Jude. Something was wrong and he wasn't going to wait for her to tell him so. He knew he shouldn't do what he did next, but this was about helping her and, dare he say it, _saving _her. He reached into her bag and tried not to shuffle her things around so she wouldn't get suspicious. He was only putting his hand inside, not looking and realized he had to look or else he was never going to find anything. He started looking and using both hands to sort through her stuff. He came across her journal, a crumbled up math quiz, some pens, pencils, several pieces of paper either scribbled on or blank, and a mess of feminine products. He began to think his search was going to be unsuccessful when he found something horrifying and shocking. Slowing, hastily as if going slow would somehow make all this untrue, he reached in the very bottom of the bag and uncovered a bloody razor. So many thoughts and emotions went though his mind. Shock, worry, disgust, scared, fright, and concern. He decided he would keep it and confront her about this later. There was no way in hell he was going to let her continue this charade, not over his dead body. He wrapped it up carefully and placed it in his pocket while tying to re-organize everything in her bag. He patiently waited for her return from the bathroom.

"Probably went in there to clean up her cut,' he thought glumly to himself. She came back in a few minutes later almost looking as good as new.

"Feel better?" he asked her.

"Yeah, much. So, uh is there anything else you wanna work in?"

"Yeah how about we get your new song just right."

"Alright," and she sat down beside him and the pair worked for the rest of the day.

"I think that's all we can get for today," Tommy said after many hours of working on the song.

"Yeah, honestly all songed out." They shared a small laugh before Tommy began shutting down the soundboard and Jude was getting her bag. She wasn't paying much attention, but she noticed that the bag was sealed up, like someone had zipped it back up.

'I know I didn't seal it up. I placed the razor in my bag and then I went to the bathroom, came back and worked on the song. Someone else was in my bag.'

"Hey, Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"Was there anyone else in the studio today? Anyone besides us?"

"No, why?" Jude's anger was rising as her suspicions were being confirmed.

"Tommy," she asked slowly, hoping that drawing out the question would make the answer bearable.

"Yeah?"

"Did you…were you in my bag today?" He wasted no time in answering.

"Yeah, but Jude-"

"Where the hell do you get off invading people's privacy?!"

"Jude, just listen to me for a second, ok?"

"No, there's nothing for you to explain! You were snooping in **my **things for no reason!"

"But there was a reason! A very legitimate one, so please just-"

"No! I don't want to hear any of your crap so just save it!" Jude ran out of the studio and Tommy ran after her. He stopped and stood calmly while pulling the razor out of his pocket.

"Jude, this is why I was in your bag." She turned around slowly and stared at him in shock and what he was holding. He had her bloody razor wrapped in tissue and was holding it in his palm.

"Why…how…" Jude was left speechless at Tommy's discovery.

"What is this, Jude?"

"It's uh…a razor."

"I am aware of that. I meant why is it in your bag? Why are you using this?"

"I…I…I don't know I just…"

"Jude you know if you have a problem you can always come to me, **always.** I thought you knew that?"

"I do! It's just things…got complicated for a while…with you."

"Complicated? When- Oh. When I kissed you…"

"Yeah."

"Is that when…when it started?" He gulped and prayed that it wasn't but knew deep down that it was.

"Yes," she said barely above a whisper.

"Jude, I'm so...I didn't mean to...cause you so much pain."

"It's not your fault. It wasn't just you. It was never really you after that night. It was mostly my parents, and my dad, and…just everything."

"I feel like I did this to you though. Like I brought the razor up to you and…did it."

"But you didn't, I did. It was…me" During their conversation, Jude had moved closer to him, so now they were standing face to face. Tommy brought his hands to the side of her face and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Jude, I'm sorry, for everything. For hurting you, for your parents, all of it. If I could, I'd take all your pain and make it my own because I don't want you to have to go through any of that." Jude was crying now, not caring if Tommy was the one who saw them.

"I already feel like you share my pain. I feel like we…share everything."

"That's cause we do, Girl." He smiled down at her and she smiled back through her tears.

"Do you…regret what happened? Do you wish that you didn't kiss me?" She looked at him, almost begging with her eyes to tell her the answer she wanted to hear. Either he had heard her thoughts or he really didn't regret what happened because he answered with the reply she wanted.

"No, I don't. I regret sending you mixed signals about what I wanted."

"And…what is it…that you want?"

"Honestly? I want you, Jude Harrison. As wrong or illegal as that may be, I want you." Jude was looking up at him with wide eyes and she suddenly broke down into sobs. She was shaking uncontrollably. Tommy held her as they sank down to the floor. She thought in the back her that Tommy must think he upset her, so she tried to sustain her sobs and looked up at him.

"You…really want me?"

"Yes. I'm sick of denying and lying to myself."

"And the phone call earlier? What was that?"

"It _was _something that quickly turned into nothing. She isn't nearly in comparison to you." Jude smiled through her tears and buried herself in his chest. He held her there and rubbed her hair and whispering things every so often.

"Jude?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to tell you something." She removed her face from his face and looked at him.

"Ok, what is it?"

"I love you." He didn't hesitate and he didn't need to say more. He simply watched her face take on a shocked expression. He bent his head and captured her lips with his before she had time to think. He brought his hands to the sides of her face and she brought hers to his hair, pulling him closer to her. They pulled away after a few seconds, both a little breathless.

"Tommy?"

"Yes"

"Thanks. I really needed that?"

"Yeah me too."

"I didn't mean the kiss, well yeah that too, but I mean this. The confronting me and the telling me you love me. That was the best part." She smiled impishly at him.

"I needed all this too. I'm so glad you know how I feel. It was killing me not telling you. Also, I've been fighting the urge to kiss you since I pretty much met you." He was the one who smiled now. But it quickly faded as a thought crossed him.

"We're gonna have to get you help. I mean maybe a doctor or someone can-"

"No, Tommy. I don't need anyone like that. I know why I did it and I know that I don't have to do it anymore. I know that I've got you and that's all I need."

"Jude, are you sure?"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm sure."

"Well...as long as you promise to never do it again, and I mean **never.**"

"I promise I'll never do it again."

"Alright, well as long as I'm with you I'll make sure you're ok."

"Good, and Tommy?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too. I just thought I'd say that."

"Well, thank you. I'll always love you, Girl, you know that right?"

"Yes, and I will always love you, no matter what." She brought him close and hugged him tightly. She pulled away and asked him the question that had been plaguing both their minds.

"What are we gonna do now? Now that we're…a we."

"I'm not sure, but we'll think of something. I'm not going to let anyone or anything get in between us."

"Glad to hear it," and without another word, she brought his lips down to hers and kissed him with all the pent-up passion she held.

**A/N-So there's an update from me since like a month or something. Longer for this story, I'm sure. Well, I hope you all enjoyed this. I know the end was all sappy but I had to, just in case. So, anyone wanna see a sequel? If I even decide to do one, I won't even begin writing till like all these other stories are done. But let me know just so I can plan out for one. Now please review!**


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